Well, I'll start with the good and end with the confusing bit... cause I'm sure there will be more to the confusing part since I'm trying to figure it all out.
Ok, the good... since my last post I made some art and that helped me a lot and then I sat down with my husband and we had a good looooooong talk about everything and I feel so much better now. I know I need improvement on my communication skills, but please believe me, I'm trying. I don't want to throw all of this away for something "better"... but I know without him I'd be completely lost and upset... it would be so much worse. I need him in my life so very much and he needs me just as much. I've gotten my "mojo" or whatever you want to call it, back so that's helped our relationship out too. I'm not saying that sex needs to be a huge part of a relationship, it doesn't, but it does help. We've even discussed the possibility of baby #2... that's huge to me. I want my babies to be close in age as well as in heart. I hated being pregnant and then I had a horrible case of PPD once my little bundle of love arrived.... I know that has my it hard for my husband to want to have another child and I totally understand. I'm not looking forward to being pregnant but I really hope I enjoy it more this time around. PLUS if I get PPD again I will be going to the doctor and getting help. I WILL, I PROMISE. I think that being close to my family and not working in a factory while being pregnant will make the pregnancy much better. I wanted to be able to wear things that made me feel pretty.... I'll let you in on something, I feel so ugly and fat when I was pregnant. I was uncomfortable and not happy. I love my dearest husband for sticking it out with me and effortlessly trying to make me happy. That in it's self should have made me happy but for some reason I just couldn't see all that he was doing for me.... I guess that's why they say hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, we are getting ready to celebrate 6 years together and our third wedding anniversary and I'm very happy with where we are today.
So now the confusing bit... why when I talk to my friends and we talk about skyping soon they are all excited about it but then I feel like I have to bug the crap out of then to actually get them to skype? I totally understand that they have much much busier lives with their jobs and all but how hard is it to hop on the computer for like 10-15 minutes and just say hi? Sometimes it's just better to see people face to face, even if it is through a computer. I guess maybe I take it more personally than I should because I'm really lonely. I have one real friend in the whole freaking state I live in.... that's fucking hard. I know if I got a job and put my baby in daycare I could make some friends but I don't want to leave my baby. I don't think they understand how hard it is sometimes to stay at home all the time and not see anyone but my daughter and husband on a daily basis. I just miss you and that's why I want to skype.
ok, I need to get the cookies out of the oven so this is all for now.
xoxo
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