big news... a long time coming!

Well... I'm pregnant! ha ha ha! I have just under 10 more weeks until my due date of November 29th. We are having a little girl named Mavis and I hope she arrives before Thanksgiving, not after! I'm so excited that I'm going to be a Mommy and to start this new chapter in my life. I really really want to move close to my parents and have their help and support after Mavis is born... we'll see when that will be able to happen. I can tell you this, I absolutely do not want to still be living in Florida in a year! I hate it here!!! I want to be closer to my family so they can be a big part of my babies life.
I will try to be a better blogger and keep you better updated!

8w5d

It's still a little scary to think that there seems to be a strong possibility that this will work out in our favor... and if it does then there will be a big "formal" announcement coming soon... I'm not sure yet just how soon but in the next month or so I'd say. Ladies and gentleman, keep your fingers crossed!!

weeks and months

from now on (if everything goes according to plan) everything will be counted in weeks and months... I'm pretty excited but cautious. So much happening but nothing happening at the same time.

forgive me for being a little weepy today...

Today was supposed to be my due date.. yes supposed to be. If everything had gone right and not wrong I'd be a Mommy... or about to be a Mommy. It's just funny to think about, when I got that "positive" I was so scared. I was terrified. All I could think was that I wasn't ready. I don't want this right now. And then I didn't have it. I was sad and a little relieved. It's funny how nine months can change your outlook on things. If everything had gone right it would be different. Now I feel like I am ready and that I would be ready if I were about to pop. Now I just hear other peoples happy news that they are expecting and I feel sad all over again. I am very happy for them, but sad for me. I don't think I could have or would have left VT if I was going to have a baby. My friend is due on the 9th and I will be there on the 11th to see her and hopefully the baby too! Our babies would have been a week apart and that would have been fantastic.

Maybe next year.... who really knows.

6 am???

So it's 6 am and I'm awake... not like, "wow, I feel refreshed and I'm ready to take on the day!" More like, I feel like I was hit by a bus and I got out of work an hour ago. Yes, an hour ago. That's 5am... and I worked 12 hours.... oh God help me! I have no life other than work, and I'm not really okay with that! Good news is that I'm coming HOME!!!!!!!!! In three weeks, 20 days to be more precise.. but who's counting?? ^_^

Hello bed, goodbye world... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

it was all just a dream....

this morning I had a dream that I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! So I woke up and took one. Annnd it was negative.. it was all just a dream. It's not like this is a good time for me to get pregnant, I have things I would like to do before that happens... get out of debt, get a "real" job, live closer to my parents... Ah well, some things will just happen when they are meant to happen and having a baby might just end up being one of those things. I really do want a little bundle of baby to call my own, especially since a lot of people I know are having babies now. One of my bestest friends is about 5 weeks away from having her baby and I wish I could be there to meet the baby and to do whatever I could to help. It's not like she will be needing a ton of help I'm sure. She's married and has one little one already, so she has some practice. I just want to go home and spend some quality time with people that I know and love. I don't know if I somehow think that having a baby now would make me feel more like this is home... I know that's stupid. I really miss my family and I hate being so far away. Once we get out of debt..... oh shit, who knows. I do know I don't want to stay down here, sorry honey. I don't really like my job and I want to do something where I will be able to use my brain every day. I would love to work for my Dad again buuuuut he only works 9 months out of the year and it's hard for me to save the money to not work the other three months... maybe if I didn't have any debt things would have been different. It's just crazy how something like debt can shape your life decisions. Had we had no debt we might not have left Vermont... we just didn't have any way to get out of it up there when every paycheck goes to bills bills and bills. I could just go on forever with the what ifs but that's pointless. There is no going back and changing things, we just have to make do with what we have.