it was all just a dream....

this morning I had a dream that I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! So I woke up and took one. Annnd it was negative.. it was all just a dream. It's not like this is a good time for me to get pregnant, I have things I would like to do before that happens... get out of debt, get a "real" job, live closer to my parents... Ah well, some things will just happen when they are meant to happen and having a baby might just end up being one of those things. I really do want a little bundle of baby to call my own, especially since a lot of people I know are having babies now. One of my bestest friends is about 5 weeks away from having her baby and I wish I could be there to meet the baby and to do whatever I could to help. It's not like she will be needing a ton of help I'm sure. She's married and has one little one already, so she has some practice. I just want to go home and spend some quality time with people that I know and love. I don't know if I somehow think that having a baby now would make me feel more like this is home... I know that's stupid. I really miss my family and I hate being so far away. Once we get out of debt..... oh shit, who knows. I do know I don't want to stay down here, sorry honey. I don't really like my job and I want to do something where I will be able to use my brain every day. I would love to work for my Dad again buuuuut he only works 9 months out of the year and it's hard for me to save the money to not work the other three months... maybe if I didn't have any debt things would have been different. It's just crazy how something like debt can shape your life decisions. Had we had no debt we might not have left Vermont... we just didn't have any way to get out of it up there when every paycheck goes to bills bills and bills. I could just go on forever with the what ifs but that's pointless. There is no going back and changing things, we just have to make do with what we have.